News

Introduction

This piece is performed by Ko-Ko, Lord High Scrum master of the corporation of Titipu.com.

KO-KO

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I’ve got a little list — I’ve got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!
There’s the newbie project manager with his unrealistic goals –
all IT sys admins who understand Windows server roles –
All developers who code mobile apps, in Objective C –
Who look at you so smugly when you try to use free() –
And the craft beer imbibing, bearded Brooklyn agile evangelist
They’d none of ’em be missed — they’d none of ’em be missed!

CHORUS

He’s got ’em on the list — he’s got ’em on the list;
And they’ll none of ’em be missed — they’ll none of ’em be missed.

KO-KO

There’s the Angular aficionado who despises all your code,
And the people who insist that all coding be done in Node,
They never would be missed — they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who denounces, with enthusiastic tone,
All JavaScript frameworks but this, and every library but his own;
And the person from marketing, who thinks this idea will fly,
And who “doesn’t understand programming, but would rather like to try”;
And the fervent agilist — I’ve got him on the list!
And that renegade who builds a business plan based on common Lisp –
I don’t think she’d be missed — I’m sure she’d not be missed!

CHORUS

He’s got her on the list — he’s got her on the list;
And I don’t think she’ll be missed — I’m sure she’ll not be missed!

KO-KO

And that tester who find bugs in code, that you just released –
All manual testers, performance engineers, it matters not the least –
And coders who claim that the logged bugs, they cannot reproduce
When asked what they tried – from the code they did simply deduce –
They’d none of ’em be missed — they’d none of ’em be missed.
That QA literalist – I’ve got him on the list!
And the tyrant build master who tries to fork your branched Git
But yells at you when your unit tests turn the backlog to Sh*t –
But it really doesn’t matter whom you put upon the list,
For they’d none of ’em be missed — they’d none of ’em be missed!

[Exeunt CHORUS]

You may put ’em on the list — you may put ’em on the list;
And they’ll none of ’em be missed — they’ll none of ’em be missed!
[Exeunt CHORUS]